Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
we're so committed to being not committed
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
