I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
