Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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