none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
