I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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