Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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