last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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