My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i love accidental penises.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
