I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
