is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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