Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
