It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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