we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
