I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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