Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
