they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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