I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.