Texts From Last Night

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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.

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  (864): Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends. http://tfl.nu/vqfc
  Replies (13) Good night (570) Bad night (1697) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.

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  (330): i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow. http://tfl.nu/ez44
  Replies (11) Good night (3232) Bad night (508)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.

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  (269): After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever. http://tfl.nu/nvrl
  Replies (19) Good night (657) Bad night (6457)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!

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  (978): so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole! http://tfl.nu/ivhw
  Replies (45) Good night (5746) Bad night (1170) Order T-Shirt
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  (254): View more from Texas

  just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.

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  (254): just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night. http://tfl.nu/wct2
  Replies (37) Good night (5227) Bad night (949) Order T-Shirt
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  (727): View more from Florida

  just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer

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  (727): just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer http://tfl.nu/wsrg
  Replies (16) Good night (3712) Bad night (925) Order T-Shirt
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.

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  (321): I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it. http://tfl.nu/0ggm
  Replies (37) Good night (13193) Bad night (1071) Order T-Shirt
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.

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  (812): Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing. http://tfl.nu/xrfi
  Replies (26) Good night (1837) Bad night (1059) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.

  (415): View more from California

  No.

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  (920): Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay. (415): No. http://tfl.nu/olk0
  Replies (8) Good night (1843) Bad night (523)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth

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  (412): I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth http://tfl.nu/07bl
  Replies (3) Good night (1320) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.

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  (785): Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks. http://tfl.nu/e26o
  Replies (8) Good night (378) Bad night (951)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.

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  (602): But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at. http://tfl.nu/pftw
  Replies (2) Good night (733) Bad night (296) Order T-Shirt
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.

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  (318): In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina. http://tfl.nu/56nz
  Replies (12) Good night (314) Bad night (1611) Order T-Shirt
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.

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  (320): Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store. http://tfl.nu/lfii
  Replies (3) Good night (1225) Bad night (233) Order T-Shirt
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.

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  (573): Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her. http://tfl.nu/nucq
  Replies (9) Good night (1082) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt

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