I love you!
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
who are you talking about my vagina to?!