how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.