Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.