dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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