Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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