Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
