It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
