I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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