they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
