i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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