Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
