Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
