I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
