I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Panties = found
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
