and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
