Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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