i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
