pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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