just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
