thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
