Screwed.edu
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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