Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
