On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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