you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
