Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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