Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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