So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Randomize
