Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
