ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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