cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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