I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
