Just took my morning after pill in the library
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
