he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She told me I should be a condom model.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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