Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
