What did we do last night that was yellow?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
