the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
