Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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