She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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