Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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