The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
