upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
