the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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