end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
