You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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