pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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