Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
