I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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