Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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