no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
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THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm passing your future prison.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
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I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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