You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize