giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
