Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
