Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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