My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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