I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
