he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
