I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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