I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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