im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
