Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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