and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
That was before I lit my hair on fire
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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