but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
