Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
