Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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