saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
