He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
