may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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