it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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