He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
